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The Second Sunday in Lent Whose Skin Are You In?Today’s reading from the book of Genesis is one of my favorites; Jacob wrestling with God at the Jabbok River. More than this one story, what’s known as the Jacob Cycle,chapters 25 through 35 of the book of Genesis, is perhaps my favorite section in the whole of the bible. It’s a great story. Jacob was a twin son of Isaac and Rebekah; Jacob’s twin brother was Esau. When the boys were birthed, Esau was first, and as the story goes, Jacob wasn’t far behind; he had grabbed on to Esau’s ankle. Because of this, Jacob’s nickname was “ankle grabber.” As the boys grew, they couldn’t have been more different; Esau was a card carrying member of the NRA-an avid sports person. Jacob, on the other hand was a quiet, stay at-home type; I imagine him to have had a highly developed feminine side. You can probably guess the family dynamic that unfolded; Isaac loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob. I’m confident that the four of them would have been great candidates for ABC’s Super Nanny reality TV show; especially if Super Nanny knew what mom encouraged her favorite son to do. Turns out Rebekah helps Jacob steal his brother’s birthright from her husband, Isaac;she sent Jacob into his father’s tent carrying a bowl of Isaac’s favorite five alarm chili,wearing a disguise of lamb’s wool wrapped around his hairless arms and neck. Rebekah needed Jacob to look and feel like Esau so that when Isaac was ready to pass on the birth rite, Isaac would be able to confirm that he was in deed holding the hands of his first born son, Esau. (here’s the original “We Put The Fun In Dysfunction family!) As you can imagine, after that incident, Esau and Jacob were estranged from one another. In fact, Jacob was on the run, fearful that big brother would find him and exact his pound of flesh from this conniving, ankle-grabbing-birth-rite-stealing-brother. The stealing of the birth rite was just the beginning of a lifetime of tension and hostility between the brothers; Esau always on the prowl and Jacob always on the run; running from trouble, running to get ahead, running to be like someone else, running to getaway from who he was. Jacob had a hard time being comfortable in his own skin. Today’s bible reading from Genesis is, perhaps, the defining moment in Jacob’s life. No longer able run and hide, he must face who he is and who he has become. The angel asks “What is your name?” meaning, really, “Who are you?” “And Jacob answers him, ‘I’m Jacob.’ He’s struggled and he’s been broken and he’s done pretending. He isn’t trying to be Esau or anyone else; Jacob has wrestled and overcome. Jacob is ready to be Jacob.” He was finally comfortable in his own skin. In the end, Jacob receives a new name… symbolic in biblical circles of a significant change in one’s life. The 10 chapters in Genesis that make up the Jacob cycle have really gotten under my skin. You see, Jacob’s story is my story. It’s my story on a number of levels; like JacobI had a twin brother. His name was Bruce. He died when we were three days old .Sometimes when I try to imagine what life would have been like with him, I wonder if we would have been any differently than Jacob and Esau. Maybe Bruce was the first born and I was his ankle-grabbing-birth rite stealing conniving brother? Do you suppose he would have been the “crunchy-granola-outdoorsie-card carrying NRA member,” compared to his brother, the “knows-his-way-around -the Archivers store -scrap-booker girl’s girl friend-with a highly developed feminine side? It’s my story because it’s taken me nearly fifty years to become comfortable in my own skin; tired of pretending I’m someone else, rung-out lamenting the reality of not becoming what I wanted to be, and to own who I am and be OK with who I am not. When I was in college, I wanted to be a doctor. I did all I could in high school and college to prepare myself for reaching that dream. I studied and studied and studied;had pretty good grades. The problem with all that study time was that I never learned how to study. I never learned how to learn. I compensated by memorizing… and covered it up with a highly developed sense of self. I covered it up by taking an interest in who my professors were and what they did; I went to my Art Professor’s exhibit of his latest works, made sure I spoke with the professor, pointed out my favorite picture, asked him what was the impetus behind the collection....I schmoozed him. A week later sitting in his office presenting my year-end portfolio of drawing that made crayon stick people look like works of the masters, I hear, “Bradley, your work is very intriguing, you’ve come along way over the course of the semester. Your grade for the semester will be an A.” A good memory and a highly developed sense of self was who I passed myself off to be; did this for the entirety of my college years, at all my attempts to get in to Medical School, then Dental School, then Law School, and then Graduate school, in the unfortunate attempt at being a banker in a struggling farm economy. Just could never get comfortable in my own skin. For some of you this comes as no surprise; I have Adult ADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder). I was diagnosed a few months ago. What drove me to seek out the counsel of a psychiatrist? I was tired:
Caroline Like Jacob, I was tired of feeling that I was on the run; running from trouble, running to get ahead, running to be like someone else, running to get away from who I was. I,too, had a hard time being comfortable in my own skin. I like what Rob Bell says about being comfortable in your skin, in the DVD entitled,“NAME”: “You and I have pasts, families we come from, things we’ve done, mistakes we’ve made, and where we’ve been and what we’ve done has shaped us into who we are today. So we have to embrace our story, our history. You don’t have to be proud of it, but you must claim it because it’s yours.” I believe he’s saying, “you have to be or become comfortable in your own skin.” When you begin to embrace your own skin...who you really are...who God really intends you to be, there can be significant change in your life.” Having Adult ADD has in so many ways been a gift. It’s been a gift because parts of my life finally make sense...parts of my life where I’m beginning to experience significant change:
I know that some of you are worshipping this morning because, like Jacob and me, you are having a difficult time being comfortable in your own skin. Your tired of pretending. Tired of running. Tired of trying to be someone else. If this sounds like you, then the story of Jacob at the Jabbok is your story, too. Allow yourself to be free from running and hiding. Embrace your life’s story and face you who you are and who you’ve become. Let go of pretending to be someone else. Do the hard work of the soul to discover your true self. Find your unique path, the one God has for you. And be ready to be comfortable in his own skin; to be who and what God intends you to be. Let us pray. |
St. Paul's Lutheran Church § 824 N. Lewis § Waukegan IL |
